So I got a job after only two weeks of unemployment. It is not the Golden Ticket job, as that company has not called yet. But this one isn't so bad, and if the Golden Ticket people call, I will definitely interview with them and hope that they love me. But if not, its ok, because I've got something. And the pay is decent.

In other news, the unexplained pain is back. Well, the pain diagnosed as "nerve entrapment" is back. I was pain-free for about 1 week and then yesterday it just exploded. Ugh. My insides are so defective.

On the baby front, I cried talked to R a couple nights ago about his lack of commitment to any particular family-making plan. He was very understanding and we agreed to have more open conversations about it. I have a couple things I need to work on too before we start either the adoption process or the TTC process. In addition to my health (I have got to lose some weight, no matter what family-making route I choose) I have got to come to an understanding in regards to my mom and my extended family.

I haven't gone into detail about this here, but my mom and I are in a very, very bad place right now. Basically, I don't trust her. And, she has shown time and time again that I have no reason to trust her. The latest reason? My mom has been telling my family (aunt, uncles, grandparents) entirely inaccurate information about my life. I correspond with my grandparents by email, so occasionally I'll tell them if I made Dean's List or something like that, but I just assumed that my mother was proud of me when I did something good (promotion, scholarship etc) and that she would share the good news. Turns out I was wrong.

My aunt thinks I am a drug-using, high school drop-out. You could have used that description for me 9 years ago. But I have been putting myself through college for the past two years, and supporting myself without any financial assistance from anyone, let alone my family since I was 19 (my step-dad helped me out when I was 17-18). I don't do drugs. I have had great jobs. Gotten promotions. Rolled out big projects. Helped my mom with many of her big projects. Gotten scholarships. Paid off all my debt. Maintained a 3.76 GPA. And yet, no one knows any of this.

I guess this is partly my fault, because I have maintained many of my relationships with my extended family through my mother. But, they live very far away, and I don't have the money to travel and she does, so she sees them more often. Apparently it is more fun to bitch about me than boast about me, so that's what she does. And they believe her. Even though her complaints are either made-up, distorted, or very old. Because of my mom's rantings, my family doesn't like me, but they have been way to polite to say anything to me directly. Well, until recently, when my aunt called me after I had an argument with my mom. And it became very clear exactly how everyone feels about me. And I had no clue.

I am not sure what to do. Do I defend myself? I tried that with my aunt, but she took it as a direct threat to my mom. Do I ignore it and continue to plead ignorance? Do I call my mom out? Do I tell them all to fuck off? Ugh. Is this family of mine even worth it?